5 warning signs you can’t afford to miss
Ever felt like someone was pulling your strings, but you couldn’t quite figure out how? You’re not alone. Manipulators are masters of the subtle art of control, and their tactics can slip under your radar. However, you can learn how to identify their tactics and set boundaries early on to protect you.
Tactic 1: Gaslighting
Gaslighting is when someone makes you question your own reality or memory. It’s not just a romantic relationship thing — it can happen with friends, family, or even at work.
Example: Your roommate borrows your laptop without asking. When you confront them, they insist you told them they could use it anytime. You start doubting your memory, even though you’re pretty sure you never said that.
Reflection questions:
- Do you often question your memory or perception of events around a particular person?
- Does someone frequently tell you you’re overreacting or being too sensitive when expressing concerns?
Not to be confused with: Someone genuinely misremembering or having a different perspective on a situation. The key difference is the way the person reacts when being confronted.
Tactic 2: Guilt-tripping
Guilt-tripping is when someone makes you feel guilty to get you to do what they want. It’s a way of emotional manipulation that can be subtle but effective.
Example: Your colleague always asks you to cover their shift at the last minute. When you try to say no, they respond with, “I guess I’ll just lose my job then. I thought we were friends.”
Reflection questions:
- Do you often feel guilty after interactions with a particular person, even when you haven’t done anything wrong?
- Does someone frequently remind you of past favors when asking you to do something?
Not to be confused with: Someone expressing genuine disappointment or hurt. The difference lies in how they react and make you feel when you set boundaries or say no to them.
Tactic 3: Isolating the victim
This tactic involves gradually cutting you off from your support network, making you more dependent on the manipulator.
Example: Your new friend always has a reason why you shouldn’t hang out with your other friends. “They’re not good enough for you,” or “They’re just using you.” Over time, you find yourself spending less time with others.
Reflection questions:
- Has your social circle significantly shrunk since becoming close to a particular person?
- Does someone in your life often criticize or speak negatively about your other relationships?
Not to be confused with: Someone who values quality time with you or who has legitimate concerns about a harmful relationship in your life. The key is whether they support your other healthy relationships.
Tactic 4: Playing the victim
This tactic involves someone constantly portraying oneself as the victim to gain sympathy and avoid responsibility.
Example: Your team leader at work never meets deadlines. When confronted, they always have a dramatic personal story about why they couldn’t complete the job, making it difficult for anyone to hold them accountable.
Reflection questions:
- Is there someone in your life who always seems to have a crisis or problem that prevents them from meeting their responsibilities?
- Do you find yourself constantly making excuses for someone’s behavior?
Not to be confused with: Someone going through a genuinely difficult time. The difference is in the pattern of behavior and their willingness to take responsibility and make changes.
Tactic 5: Love bombing
Love bombing is when someone showers you with excessive affection and attention early in a relationship to gain your trust quickly.
Example: You’ve just joined a new club, and one member immediately becomes super friendly. They constantly praise you, offer to help with everything, and want to spend all their time with you. It feels great at first, but something seems off about the intensity.
Reflection questions:
- Has a new relationship (romantic or platonic) progressed unusually quickly?
- Do you feel overwhelmed by someone’s attention or gestures, even positive ones?
Not to be confused with: Someone who is naturally affectionate or excited about a new relationship. The key difference is in the intensity, speed, and whether it feels like there are strings attached.
Conclusion
Remember, these tactics can be subtle, and not everyone who displays these behaviors is necessarily a manipulator. The key is to look for patterns and trust your instincts. If something feels off, it probably is. Don’t be afraid to set boundaries, seek support from trusted friends or family, or even professional help if needed.
By being aware of these tactics, you’re already one step ahead in protecting yourself from manipulation. Stay vigilant, trust your gut, and remember that healthy relationships — whether romantic, friendly, or professional — should make you feel respected, valued, and heard.
Stay safe out there, and remember: You are not alone!
