Ever felt like you’re losing your mind?

That’s exactly what people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and manipulators aim for. They twist your reality until you’re left questioning your own sanity. I know this firsthand. When I was trapped in a relationship with a partner with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), I constantly felt confused and uncertain, as if my mind was being played with.

But understanding their tactics is a way out of this mental maze. Here are 3 of the most common manipulation tactics they could try to use on you:

Gaslighting

People with NPD use gaslighting to make you doubt your memories. They might say, “I never said that,” even when you clearly remember they did. This constant denial chips away at your confidence. It’s even worse when the people who love you and surround you have never seen that “other side” of them, but only the charming, loving one, which takes me to the next point: love bombing.

Love bombing

Love bombing comes in intense displays of appreciation and love, showering you with affection, praise, and gifts that won’t last long. As you feel loved and secure, they will withdraw the affection suddenly, leaving you desperate for their approval. Sometimes, even ask yourself: “What did I do wrong?”

Triangulation

Triangulation aims to make you feel insecure about your value in the relationship by bringing a third party into the dynamics to create jealousy and rivalry or validate their point of view. They may compare you to someone else, criticise you constantly, and make you feel like you are not good enough.

Projection

People with NPD can go only for so long until their malignant behaviour shows; to cover themselves, they will accuse you of something they are doing, for example, accusing you of cheating on them when they are the ones cheating on you. So now, you must focus on defending yourself instead of pointing out their bad behaviour.

Hoovering

Leaving a relationship with a person with NPD can be tricky, especially when they try to “hoover” you back into the relationship with promises of change, apologies, or declarations of love. And it’s hard when that person signals all the things you wanted and expected from them, giving you hope and making it harder to break free from the cycle of abuse.

Breaking out from abuse

By recognizing these patterns, you can start reclaiming your reality. Keep a journal of events and your feelings to validate your experiences. Share your story with trusted friends or someone who can understand abusive relationships and the risk they can bring to your integrity. Keeping you safe is as important as reaching out for help.

Take it one step at a time. You'll find clarity and peace as you rebuild your trust in yourself.

Recovery Tips for Survivors

1. Educate Yourself: Knowledge is power. Understanding the manipulation tactics can help you recognize and resist them, ensuring you don’t go through that again.
2. Establish Boundaries: Clearly define and enforce your personal boundaries to protect your emotional and mental well-being. This may take some time, so be kind and patient with yourself.
3. Seek Support: Connect with a therapist who specializes in narcissistic abuse or join support groups with others who have similar experiences, but be careful of coercive organisations or “gurus” who are on the lookout for vulnerable victims.
4. Practice Self-Care: Prioritize your health and well-being. Engage in activities that promote relaxation, joy, and self-love.
5. Break the cycle of abuse: Try as much as you can not to abuse others or become cynical to cope with the pain you’ve been through. It may be hard, but you can be a hero in these circumstances, too!

I lived through all these, and it took me over a decade to break free. It affected me deeply, and I wish I had known before that this kind of abuse existed and how to identify it early on, but I hope this helps you or someone you know to be safe.